Tea Party R.S.V.P. Regrets from Dignitaries and Mainstream Media

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Posted by admin on April 18, 2009 under 2K9 Tea Party Revolution, Objective Journalism is Dead | Be the First to Comment

terroristmomsanimatedSince April 15th, I have tried to digest the magnitude of what happened across the United States of America on that day. Where I was that day, it was sunny and breezy, but in other cities it was dreary, rainy, and yes – cold, sleeting and snowing (BTW, can someone tell Al Gore it is APRIL for goodness sake? Can’t some of his mad scientist friends do something about this?…but I digress…).

Oh, yeah, I was talking about April 15th. The day also known as Right-Wing-Extremist-Radical-and-dare-I-say-it-for-lack-of-political-correctness-Terrorist Tea Party Day.  

THIS was no ordinary Tea Party. IF you were on the “Special Guest” list and had been invited by Fox News, and IF you had known the secret 5 digit code plus the Power Ball **Phrase that Pays**, you too could have been transported into the parallel universe in which all us conservatives came bearing AK-47′s, pipe bombs, grenade launchers, and baby bottles.  The moms got the pipe bombs – they fit tidily into their diaper bags and strollers. All the men-in-black got the long guns. But you could only see the men in black if you knew the codes; the moms with diaper bags, well - we were counting on no bomb-sniffing dogs. 

“…in spite of the disappointment of not having entertainment, compelling speakers and well-loved right-wing politicians in all but a few of the hundreds of locations, I would say that all 600,000+ of us  had a great time.”

Just so you know how well connected we are as Extremist Radicals, we will share with you some R.S.V.P. regrets of dignitaries that were invited:

  • Bill Ayers: “So sorry. Bernadine and I cannot attend the soiree, because in all truth, we have not read up on bomb-making in the last several…well, you know what I mean.”
  • Reverend Jeremiah Wright: “H–L NO! G-d D–n tax protesters! How can I tell my flock they have hope as victims if taxpayers are onto our scam? You can be sure I will be calling Al Sharpton about this!”
  • Al Sharpton – Well, actually,  he found out about the party from Rev. Wiright. We did not invite him because we thought his hair would make the entire crowd look TOO crazy. Here’s what he had to say: “You just waaaait… untiiiil… the maaaainstreeeeam media heeeeears… abooouuut this-ahhh! I’m calling-ahh… the ACLU-ahhh… and-ahh that-ahh Garafolohhhh…woman…whileImatit!”
  • Roland Burris: “Thank you for the invitation, but I cannot attend unless you folks help me get past the $1,000 mark in my campaign… Heh”
  • Rod Blagoyabitch: ” I think it totally disrespectful that you mis-spelled my name on the invitation, so no. I have my radio audience and my hair to attend to that day.”
  • Hugo Chavez: “You would be humbled by my presence, I am sure, but I am anticipating my meeting with Barry, then I have to prepare for a secret whistle stop tour of the U.S.  to promote H.J. Resolution 5. You know, Barry and I – we are true soul mates.”
  • Margaret Sanger -  In this case we got a note back from her descendents: “Thank you for the invitation, but you may not have known that Miss Margaret has passed. You will be happy to know that her legacy – Planned Parenthood - continues to weed the garden. Just ask Hillary Clinton. Our latest goal is to surpass McDonald’s in numbers served. That is why we have made a strong push toward franchising in other countries under the wings of Barack Obama.” (editors note: we will pray for Miss Margaret’s soul…oops…too late.)
  • Rahm “Toes” Emanuel: “F–k you! I gotta pick up my paycheck!”
  • Timothy “TATUS” Geithner: ” Sh-t. I am tied up with H&R Block all day the 15th. You know I had no luck with that Turbo Tax”

And of course, we truly did want to be inclusive as far as the media was concerned, but we got similar responses from CNN and CNBC:

  • “Sorry, all of our anchors will be heartily fulfilling their obligations to the Obama administration. After all “teabagging” is their specialty. You are on your own Fox.”

But in spite of the complete lack of the aforementioned dignitaries/luminaries/prestidigitators, and the disappointment of not having entertainment, compelling speakers and well-loved right-wing politicians in all but a few of the hundreds of locations, I would say that all 600,000+ of us  had a great time.

What is next?

Well,  after so many citizens missed out on the April 15th Tax Day Tea Parties because the mainstream media could not break from their fellatious activities to cover the upcoming event, I think citizens will be turning to Fox News for news and commentary about that which truly impacts their lives…oh, wait, they already have…

Other resources for upcoming events you might consider are:

The way I see it,  if European Socialism is coming to us, we may as well enjoy the tea for as long as we can afford it!

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